-Sign you up to an exclusive recording deal. You are free to sign a deal with any other record company. Samizdat simply retains the right to release any material you have submitted to us that we have accepted.

-Generally act as your show-business manager in order to help you get a job as a ‘Blue Peter’ presenter, or some other general-purpose showbiz role.

-Hype you up as the biggest thing since the Beatles.

-Opportunity Knocks, Stars in their eyes, Fame Academy, Pop Idol etc.